Let’s chat about the lower brain—our personal threat detector. Most days, it’s just doing its thing on autopilot, scouting for danger without us even realizing it. Spot a snake while hiking? Your brain’s on it, making you bolt before your brain’s even processed what’s happening. But oops, turns out it was just a stick. The lower brain is a bit of an overachiever, always erring on the side of caution, which is great for survival but not so much when it mistakes a disapproving look from your husband as a life-threatening situation.
Here’s the thing: the lower brain can get us into trouble, especially in relationships. You know, like when you interpret that look from the hubs as a cue to either defend yourself to the death or make a dramatic exit. Sure, you’ve dodged a bullet (or so your lower brain thinks), but now there’s drama in the home, and nobody’s happy.
But don’t worry, the prefrontal cortex is here to save the day! This part of the brain is like the wise old sage of our mental kingdom, helping us take a beat to think things through and act more in line with who we really want to be. It’s all about calming down that trigger-happy amygdala and making choices that reflect our higher selves.
I learned early on, that I am the common denominator in all my relationships and I can only control myself. I get to choose how I want to show up in my marriage and life. These days, I’m way better at pausing and choosing to approach my husband with kindness instead of launching into full-on battle mode. And guess what? It usually turns out a lot better.
The goal isn’t to become emotionless robots. Emotions are the spice of life, guiding us, fueling our love, and shaping our moral compass. It’s all about recognizing and managing them so we’re not constantly at the mercy of our snap reactions. Sometimes, I still struggle with this but then….I ask for a do-over. Â
Whether it’s through deep breathing, mindfulness, or just taking a moment to cool off, there are plenty of ways to get a grip on our emotions before they lead us into trouble. It’s about living and loving with intention, tapping into that special human ability to think beyond our instincts and act in ways that reflect our deepest values and aspirations.
So, for all the wives out there, I’m all about helping you identify and live by those values and virtues. It’s about choosing to be your best self, especially in those moments when it’s all too easy to let your basic instincts take the wheel. Trust me, it’s worth the effort. Not just for peace at home, but for a richer, more intentional life and love.
