Reflecting on a recent study published in the journal Personal Relationships, it’s clear that forgiveness, or the lack thereof, can profoundly affect the sanctity and health of our unions. Through the lens of my Christian faith, I see how essential it is to pay attention to our hearts and minds in navigating the complex journey of marriage.
- Harboring Negative Feelings
The study reveals that certain personality traits, such as stubbornness and pride, can hinder our ability to forgive our spouses. As Christians, we’re called to humility and forgiveness, mirroring Christ’s forgiveness of us. It’s not uncommon to stew in our negative emotions—anger, humiliation, or disappointment—especially when deeply hurt. Yet, the Bible teaches us about the dangers of anger rumination, or dwelling on our grievances, which only serves to distance us further from our partners and from God’s healing grace.
Anger rumination can lead to a cycle of resentment and an unforgiving heart. I believe it’s crucial to lay our hurts before God, seeking His wisdom and strength to overcome these dark places in our hearts. Sensitivity, vulnerability, and feelings of inferiority can all challenge our ability to forgive, but with God’s help, we can see beyond our pain to the restoration on the other side.
- Ignoring Your Partner’s Feelings
The study also points out that a lack of interpersonal responsiveness from an offending spouse can make forgiveness more challenging. As followers of Christ, we’re taught to love unconditionally and to empathize with the feelings of others, including our spouses. When our partners seem indifferent, neglectful, or unrepentant, it can feel like a direct violation of the covenant we share.
However, understanding and empathy are at the heart of Christ’s teachings. Even when faced with indifference or a lack of accountability, we are called to respond with grace, seeking to understand our partner’s perspective and to communicate our feelings without harboring resentment. This doesn’t excuse their actions but rather opens the door to healing and reconciliation.
- Repeating Offenses
The severity and repetition of offenses can significantly impact forgiveness, as highlighted by the study. In marriage, trust and emotional intimacy are sacred, and breaches of this trust can cause profound pain. Yet, the Gospel calls us to a love that forgives, not just once but seventy times seven. This isn’t easy, especially with repeated transgressions, but it’s a testament to the power of God’s love working within us.
Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing the behavior; it means choosing to love and trust God’s process of healing and restoration. It requires patience, time to rebuild trust, and a commitment to not let our partner’s mistakes define the future of our marriage.
In navigating the challenges of forgiveness, open and honest communication rooted in love and faith is key.Â
DISCLAIMER: I don’t believe that a spouse should endure abuse. If you’re in an abusive relationship please seek out a therapist who can walk you though the healing process as you move through forgiveness. Sometimes forgiveness comes with boundaries to keep yourself safe.
